Thursday, August 09, 2007

An open letter to friends I have not met yet.

Hey you! What’s going on? Not much here, just keepin on. You probably don’t know me, but that’s just because we’re not actually friends yet, but seeing as you’re reading this, it’s obvious that it will change at some point. You’re probably a bit perplexed as to why you’ve gotten this letter, and I can understand. I know you’re busy, probably too busy to waste much time reading a letter from someone you don’t even know yet, so I’ll keep it short. I just wanted to get a couple things off my chest. I figured you should be informed, firsthand, of some things about me. I’m not sure what this will accomplish, other than maybe to give you an idea of what you’re getting yourself into, or what you may have missed out on. So where to start….

I used to be a different person than I am now, quite simply put. I used to be funny, I mean real funny. I couldn’t tell a joke to save my life, but often I would make people laugh by comments or interesting points of views. It was pretty damn cool.

I used to have problems with hints and subtleties. In a way, I think I still do, the only difference is that now I over analyze everything. I’m sure you know (or will know someday) that it’s quite annoying. Sometimes you’ll want to tell me that I should take comments the way they’re supposed to mean, there’s nothing to construe from them. If you tell me that you don’t mind me talking about my newest boring hobby, I’ll never believe you.

I used to love to dance. I never really did it in a social sense of the word, but more in a private way. When I was in a good mood and listening to good music, I had no problem dancing. Especially if you were the reason for my good mood, nothing would make me happier than to watch you smile while I made an idiot of myself.

I used to sing, a lot, and quite badly. It’s probably better that I don’t do this anymore due to noise pollution issues, but I still did it. The best was when I was in the car. I sat there and jacked around with the stereo until I found a song that I knew about half of the lyrics to and just bellowed them out, skimming over the ones I didn’t know and often making up the words as I went. Some of my friends used to tell me that my voice was ‘pretty good actually’ and it made me feel good, even if they were just being nice.

Ohh…while we’re at it, I should give you a brief rundown of some of my former hobbies. The main thing to take from this is not conversation topics or things to ask me about (unless you really want to), but rather an insight into my pseudo-obsessive compulsive slash attention deficit disorder personality. My life has consisted of intense concentration on something for a short period of time followed by complete abandonment of the hobby. It’s hard for me to guess how you may react to this statement, no doubt you would be tempted to apply it to relationships and other stuff and all I can tell you is that I am constantly working at not letting let these silly parts of my life to run over into the lives of my friends (which has happened in the past unfortunately). That said, I would ask you to kindly bust my mush from time to time if you feel that this is happening. In the past, some people have been better at it than others, I woud suggest the straightforward approach (if you are sick of hearing me talk about a video game, just tell me, I'll stop).

Either way, here a brief list, for good or ill:

* Baseball card collecting (2 years)
* Shooting lay-ups (2 months)
* Shooting free-throws (3 months)
* Collecting mini-rubberized robots and creating an army (2 weeks)
* Collecting mini-metal army vehicles and making a battleground for them out of Styrofoam in my basement (1 month)
* Creating a game with official rules for said battleground/army troops (3 months)
* Playing the game once (1 hour)
* Football (1/2 Day)
* Loudest Car Stereo In Halstead Kansas (2 years, the whole ke-boodle got theif’d)
* Collecting CDs (4 years, they were in the car with the stereo)
* Becoming a DJ complete with buying turntables and records (3 months)
* Entomology (1 year)
* Downloading Mp3s (2 years, stopped by a visit from the KBI)
* Techno (6 months)
* Playing Wall Street Sports online (6 months)
* Collecting baseball cards, again (2 months)
* Playing the real stock marked (1 month, see Enron)
* Diablo 2 (4 months)
* Saltwater Fish tank (3 months, just long enough to drop about $5k, but not long enough to ever put water in the tank)
* Congas (1 month, just long enough to actually buy them)
* Playing Kingdom Of Loathing (2 years, albeit one was in China)
* Buffy The Vampire Slayer (1 year, once I saw them all, no reason to continue, right?)
* Battlestar Galactica (6 months, see ‘Buffy’)
* M.A.S.H (5 years, see ‘Buffy’)
* The real stock market, again (6 months, cashed out to live my life)
* Building mobiles (2 weeks, I actually completed two)
* Growing Plants (2 weeks, the little shits die very easy)
* Reading books (3 years, ongoing still, but it’s the buying of books that’s the real issue)

On the other hand, there are some things that I still do that you may like to know about. It will be interesting to see how deep this rabbit hole runs as I rarely really think about what I like. Some of them are easy.

I still like donuts. I still rarely eat them.

I like zombie movies, but own none. I don’t like zombie books, but own four.

I still love going to the zoo, walking in any area with trees, listening to classical music with my eyes closed and sleeping with a fan on. I rub my forehead when nervous, look at the ground when I walk and eat almond butter. My hands shake easily.

I still exfoliate, antiastringentate and blot oil from my forehead. I still buy shoes that are on sale, too small or too big for me. I still dress like a skater, practice an English accent and facial expressions in the mirror. I still make up words and use them relentlessly around people, just hoping they catch on.

I still can’t look at cats without thinking of Coltrane, a clear sky without thinking of a great trip to San Diego, a painting without thinking of holding hands and whispering.

I can’t hear rain without thinking of fresh air, my text message beep without feeling hope or Jamiroquai without thinking of driving someone to the airport.

I can’t smell chlorine without thinking of summer, coffee without thinking of morning or fabric softener without wanting to lie down in bed.

I still daydream. I still think about people that I’m not around. I still hate the dentist. I’m still ok with cheap haircuts and expensive steaks. I still wear shorts to restaurant and still wear my hats crooked.

All in all, I no longer know what to think anymore, but it does feel good being honest again, even if you don’t know me yet. I wish I had something clever to say at the end to make you think I was smart or witty or quick or caring, but I have nothing and even if the above declarations drive you away, I can’t wait to meet you and hope you give me a chance to explain.

- Lucas (my name, because I forgot to introduce myself)

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