Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Uncomfortable Fictional Conversations Part 1, Scene 1

Open of act, lights up in the middle of a conversation between four people sitting at lunch in a restaurant, possibly three coworkers and a consultant. Two eating lunch steaks (one with ketsup), one eating a fat burger, one eating a salad with lots of Tabasco.

Steak & Ketsup: "….as for the other side, I just don't know what the hell to think."

Steak: "It's definitely a tough situation, I'm glad I don't have to choose."

Fat Burger: "Well, they're so messed up, I'm not going to worry about it."

Steak & Ketsup: "I just have a feeling that if either of them wins, there will be an assassination."

Tabasco Salad: "What the hell?!"

Steak & Ketsup: "Well not me….I mean…not me…. They'd never come to Oklahoma…. and I'm not that kind of a person…."

Fat Burger: "Steak & Ketsup, would you care to elaborate?"

Steak & Ketsup: "Well, I just don't think our country is ready for either of those situations."

Tabasco Salad: "What exactly do you mean by 'either' of those situations?."

Steak & Ketsup: "Well, you know… one's a …. woman... the other's a …. negro… and I just don't think we could cope with that."

Jump to Tabasco Salad's inner monologue:

"First of all, you're obviously that kind of a person, except maybe a bit too chicken to ever act on anything. Second of all, I doubt you ever call a black person a 'negro'. In fact, I doubt you ever even call them 'black people' behind closed doors. And thirdly, when you say 'we', it infers that I'm a part of 'we' and I don't appreciate it. I think everyone knows that when you say 'we' in that sentence, you mean 'I'. Plus, you are sweating profusely while talking about this 'situation', which makes me think that you may find it actually arousing to think about. Yummy"

Tabasco Salad (out loud): "Can someone pass some more Tabasco."

Scene End

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