Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Dear Shipley's

Jeez, I’m not really sure how to do this.
I guess I’m just going to come right out and say it, I’ve met another donut shop.
I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry. I never meant for it to happen this way. I just don’t think it’s going to work out with us anymore. You live in Houston, I live in Kansas City and I just need a change.

What? No, it’s not ‘that whore Daylight’, you’ve probably never met this one before, it’s kind of foreign.

No, nothing European or anything. I mean, really, does it matter? I just wanted to tell you. I still come to Houston from time to time, but for now, I think that it’s best that we just go our separate ways.

Of course! I still want to be friends, but nothing more than a glazed donut or maybe the occasional coffee.

What? Why do you keep boning me for information on this new place? I really just don’t want to dwell on this, this is already very difficult for me.

Yes, yes, I know it’s difficult for you too, we did have a good thing going. Like that one time, when I ate the crème-filled long john backwards on accident and the crème got all over my shorts. You laughed so hard I thought batter was going to come out your nose. You know how I was always a sucker for the different ways you could fill a donut.

Ok ok, since you insist, but it’s just going to make it worse in the long run. The new place is called Tim Hortons.

NO I’M NOT GAY! That’s just the name of the store. It’s from Canada, you know, they’re all a little ‘off’ in certain things.

What was it? Well, I was in Calgary for a week and was actually on my way to the airport at 4:00 am and really needed some coffee. I stopped and ordered a coffee and a muffin.

I know, I know, I’m not really much of a muffin person “muffins are donuts that have lost their soul”, right? Well, I just needed something kind of lite, so I went the muffin route. I didn’t even get my normal ‘chocolate/chocolate chip’ muffin, I went out on a limb and got one that was called ‘Fruit Explosion’. Yeah, yeah, I bought into the propaganda. See, that’s what did it. I was in the car and bit into the muffin and realized that Tim Horton’s had figured out that they could fill muffins as well! I nearly slammed my rental Mazda 6 into a police cheque point!

Yeah, I know, I know, I’m sure you could do it too, but I don’t want you to change just for me and it just wouldn’t be the same, next thing you’d be doing was selling cheesecake bites and espresso smoothies, and we would both know that’s not who you really are.

Really, I’ve been awake all night thinking about this and I just think it’s for the best. Let’s just have a clean break of it. Stay positive honey, you really are a special donut shop, and don’t let anyone tell you any different.

One last hug? Mmmkay pumpkin…. Let it out, let it out….



1 comment:

Spyder said...

Lurv me some Tim Horton's! I'll have some in August when I go home. I'll say hi for you.